Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
