You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
