I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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