who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
