He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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