I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize