I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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