I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
