Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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