dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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