If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
