Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize