Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
