I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
