that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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