Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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