Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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