I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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