Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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