Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
