I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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