Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
