Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
