She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
