I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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