I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize