did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
