Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
