We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
