I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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