Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
