Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
