my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
