Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
