I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
