im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
