I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
