Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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