Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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