you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
