Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
