I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
