i don't plan on having that self control this summer
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
