just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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