Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
