I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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