I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
