My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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