HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
