No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
