I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
