She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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