I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
What a dumb baby whore.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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