Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
