***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
