If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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