Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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