omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
