Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
