Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
