Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
