well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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