this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
