IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize