Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
