Screwed.edu
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Dignity is for republicans.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
