You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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