I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
