Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
