My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.