You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
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Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
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The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!