Texts From Last Night

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  (360): View more from Washington

  he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.

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  (360): he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me. http://tfl.nu/9e4p
  Replies (6) Good night (841) Bad night (3838)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"

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  (414): You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!" http://tfl.nu/0oge
  Replies (16) Good night (7741) Bad night (962)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.

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  (973): I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like. http://tfl.nu/4kjo
  Replies (13) Good night (4819) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.

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  (917): It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met. http://tfl.nu/1axf
  Replies (21) Good night (4607) Bad night (1193)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.

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  (504): He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life. http://tfl.nu/mz8p
  Replies (7) Good night (3549) Bad night (828)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..

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  (512): At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso.. http://tfl.nu/wlhb
  Replies (12) Good night (2257) Bad night (877)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.

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  (601): I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine. http://tfl.nu/oz16
  Replies (1) Good night (1655) Bad night (855)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.

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  (313): No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea. http://tfl.nu/zdpv
  Replies (9) Good night (748) Bad night (1328)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off

  (1-941): View more from Florida

  Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS

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  (941): I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off (1-941): Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS http://tfl.nu/yudy
  Replies (6) Good night (1329) Bad night (531)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.

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  (+44): I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness. http://tfl.nu/lp3m
  Replies (5) Good night (1352) Bad night (539)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"

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  (763): We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!" http://tfl.nu/13ym
  Replies (6) Good night (967) Bad night (501)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2

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  (206): I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2 http://tfl.nu/1blx
  Replies (9) Good night (1279) Bad night (534)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot

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  (608): Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot http://tfl.nu/1f93
  Replies (3) Good night (964) Bad night (418)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"

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  (650): I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun" http://tfl.nu/k4ww
  Replies (9) Good night (1699) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Is it rude if I don't go?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.

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  (224): Is it rude if I don't go? (248): No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party. http://tfl.nu/zhsj
  Replies (5) Good night (1278) Bad night (430)

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