he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
