Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
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My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
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He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.