Michael Bay diarrhea
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.