DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
