i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
