I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You took a bar mat shot.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
