After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
