If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
