yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he shaved USA in his pubs
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
