dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
