I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
