You're my little dorito
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
